If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize