paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
