I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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