I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
