oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
