Pappa wants mamma naked
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize