guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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