shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
