it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
