If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
