Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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