Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
