So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
