so that wasnt chicken after all
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
