Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
