i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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