glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
