sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
