just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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