If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
