Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
