she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
