They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
