So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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