you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
