Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Where is the hickey?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
