I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
