i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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