He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
