Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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