Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize