its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
