The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
