someone threw a dead crab at me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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