well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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