my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
