i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize