I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
