i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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