I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
