Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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