look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
