I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
