Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
too bad you live with your parents still
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
