Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
