So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
