I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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