Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the condom got lost in my hair
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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