I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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