You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
