My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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