an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
