Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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