I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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