At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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