he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
