The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
