i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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