so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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