I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
