So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
