we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
