So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Randomize