When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
