thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
