if i can run in heels then i can drive
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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