I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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