this beer tastes like vomit already
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
