I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
