Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
