Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize