I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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