Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
