I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
