Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
