Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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