after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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