i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
