fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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