I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
