How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
