Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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