nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
