I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
