I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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