I am puke
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
