The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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