I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
