so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
