Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize