Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
