You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
