Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
