she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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