dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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