I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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